So. I’ve been thinking about my need for comfort and stability lately, because of the big move. Pastor and I moved from our little country houseto a big house down the street from Jireh Home. And for me, the process was essentially the five stages of grief compressed into a week. Once we finally got the keys, I assumed we would have a month – things move slowly here. I didn’t pack until I absolutely had to, and made sure each of the staff knew how crabby and angsty I felt about the big move.
From my previous point of view, I was leaving my safe space for the past eight months. The place I could do my really weird American things like watch lots of TV shows and laugh loudly to myself. My walls were filled with cards, pictures and quality drawings from my non-artistic friends. Our landlord updated my bed from a mattress on wood to two real twin beds. IT HAD AIR CON.
Everyone kept telling me the big move was worth it because we would be closer to Jireh Home. My angsty self was not so happy about that. I absolutely love my kids, but if they have constant access to my house all the time (the Jireh Home library is on the ground floor and we live upstairs), where is my precious space?
As I was mopeing around, one of my friends told me to get it together because he was going to come help me move my stuff in the afternoon. And after two weeks I will admit that I do in fact, love my new house. Yeap. I spent a week worrying, another week being angsty and a morning packing angrily and I love it. Except the lack of the instant cool of the air con. Memang panas (hot).
The big move was good for me. As much as I love comfort and stability, the new house forced me to re-evaluate my habits and routines here. It forced growth in a place I thought I had already grown into. Why was I so crabby about the situation, so afraid to grow? I don’t know. I guess I like to rest in the things I know. But maybe sometimes, those known things, the comfort of routines, air con and space, completely block out God. Instead of resting in only God’s grace, I rested in the comfort of routines and organization, predictable children and good friends. Through the big move, I’m learning that the real excitement comes from trusting in the unknown constant of grace and love.