Exhaustion and Amazement

Sunday morning I stood and sang as the mostly Chinese congregation clapped with seemingly no sense of time in worship.  The music was surprising familiar, a welcomed comfort after two weeks of complete unknown.

It turns out, adjusting is hard.  Adjusting is accepting the insecurity that we know nothing.  Its acknowledging that we have no idea where we are going to eat, how to get around town, what people are saying almost all the time, and that everything we wear and do may be violating so many unwritten, cultural norms.  Its hard not to be paralyzed by this insecurity.  Hard to constantly observe people in a non-creepy way.  Hard to let the observations stay neutral observations while trying to figure out how I fit into this place.  Hard to not be right, or even to not know what is right in most every situation. Its an exhausting process.

Opposing that exhaustion is amazement at so many small surprises.  It's the shock on the local waitress's face as I manage to properly eat a full Chinese meal using chopsticks with my site supervisor; the excitement of the doorwomen as I say a simple, "Terima Kasih, Selemat malam," leaving a restaurant; the laughter of a Malaysian peer at the mall as I ask "Di mana Food Court?" covered in sweat after spending four hours wandering through KK.  I'm amazed at the beauty of the island beaches, towering lush mountains, and the fog and clouds that roll in before a heavy rain.  The teen who translated the entire service for us at a Malay speaking church and then took us to lunch and out for ice cream just because.  I'm amazed by the market vendors who struggled with us in Malay, working together to lean more about each other. The joy of delicious steamed chocolate cake from our incredibly loving language teacher, Ibu Laura, and the constant welcome and blessings from the students at STS, despite the fact we likely did so many things wrong.  And I'm amazed at the seven other young adults willing to be grown, change and molded by this place and the support, guidance and love of Peter, our country coordinator.

And now, I am finally here, at my site.  Despite only spending a full day here, I continue to be amazed.   Amazed by the openness and excitement of the people who were once mystery friends. Amazed by the staff at Jireh Home who encourage me constantly to not be shy, while sharing their lives and daily routine with me, despite desperately missing last year's volunteer.  I am amazed by the 31 students who live there, giving me little hugs each time they pass by and eagerly helping me learn more Malay.

As I reflect on these small surprises, I know God is the source of all of my amazement, the reason I am here.  The constant in my world that is currently very much so upside down and backwards from what it would be if I had simply went straight to graduate school.   So my prayer this morning as I continue the exhausting process of adjustment and observation is Psalm 62:5-6,

"Yes, my soul, find rest in God; 

my hope comes from him.

Truly he is my rock and my salvation; 

he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." 

I am praying that as this places completely shakes my world view, I am able to continue to find strength, courage and grounding in God's grace and love.