So. I’ve been
thinking about my need for comfort and stability lately, because of the big
move. Pastor and I moved from our little
country houseto a big house down the street from Jireh Home. And for me, the process was essentially the
five stages of grief compressed into a week.
Once we finally got the keys, I assumed we would have a month – things
move slowly here. I didn’t pack until I
absolutely had to, and made sure each of the staff knew how crabby and angsty I
felt about the big move.
From my previous point of view, I was leaving my safe space
for the past eight months. The place I
could do my really weird American things like watch lots of TV shows and laugh
loudly to myself. My walls were filled
with cards, pictures and quality drawings from my non-artistic friends. Our landlord updated my bed from a mattress
on wood to two real twin beds. IT HAD
AIR CON.
Everyone kept telling me the big move was worth it because
we would be closer to Jireh Home. My angsty self was
not so happy about that. I absolutely
love my kids, but if they have constant access to my house all the time (the
Jireh Home library is on the ground floor and we live upstairs), where is my
precious space?
As I was mopeing around, one of my friends told me to get it
together because he was going to come help me move my stuff in the
afternoon. And after two weeks I will
admit that I do in fact, love my new house.
Yeap. I spent a week worrying,
another week being angsty and a morning packing angrily and I love it. Except the lack of the instant cool of the
air con. Memang panas (hot).
The big move was good for me. As much as I love comfort and stability, the
new house forced me to re-evaluate my habits and routines here. It forced growth in a place I thought I had
already grown into. Why was I so crabby
about the situation, so afraid to grow?
I don’t know. I guess I like to
rest in the things I know. But maybe
sometimes, those known things, the comfort of routines, air con and space, completely block out God. Instead of
resting in only God’s grace, I rested in the comfort of routines and
organization, predictable children and good friends. Through the big move, I’m learning that the
real excitement comes from trusting in the unknown constant of grace and love.
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